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Posts Tagged ‘acting different’

5.10: Chance 5

November 29, 2011 Leave a comment

Last of my official chances was this afternoon, I had a couple of hours spent sitting working with a small group of people, I had my incentive as described just now, and my plan to say good morning to people, to force myself to say more than one word at a time.
And what happened, I just didn’t talk. Or, that is, I mumbled something vaguely word like when I was greeted and when I was leaving, that was it. should have been easy, but when it came to it, I just couldn’t make myself do it.
Though, partly this was not my fault, it seems whenever I want to talk to someone they are always either busy working, and I think they do not want to be interrupted, or more often already talking to someone else. Two of the people in our group managed to talk continuously the whole two hours, I couldn’t have gotten a word in anywhere, even had I heard of any of the books, TV programs, games and whatever else they were discussing. So, slightly disappointed with myself, I set my laptop up in the kitchen, and waited for one of my flatmates to pass by, meaning to make up for it then. And still, I didn’t. One person came and said hello, I said hello back, they asked if I was working, I said yes, then that was it. Other people came and went and just ignored me, and I couldn’t bring myself to talk to them first, however easy it should be. I am starting to think I need to do something unusual to get people to ask me about it. I think I should go to breakfast tomorrow wearing nothing but my shorts, walk through the flat dressed for the beach rather than this time of year, someone will stop me and ask why, and I will be able to answer them. But I doubt I will bother.

No, all I have to do is simply force myself to say something. Anything at all, I have gotten used to the idea that I am the sort of person that does not talk, so has everyone else, I need to break that idea, get used to the idea that I am someone that does talk, whatever it is that that someone says, even if it doesn’t wuite feel like me, I need to start acting like that. I am sure the moment I gather enough courage to say something to someone as they pass me, it will all suddenly become so much easier, but I can’t make that next step.

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