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22.5 so many choices

Back here again. So much has been going on recently, but all the same, over and over. The trouble is, I have no idea what I will be doing next year, I have plenty of options, but it seems all those that I was considering have gone, leaving me only with those I would rather have avoided. Having failed the university by a couple of points, I will either have to do the whole year again or just give up and try something else. I would rather not give up, not least because I have no idea what else I would want to do. My plan, then, was to try to decide whether I thought I could actually do all the work rather better this time around, which meant downloading one of these professional programs they like telling me to use and testing it out to see how well I could work it. Trouble is, they refuse to tell me what any of them are called or where I can get them from. They avoided the question all last year, and when I was getting a bit desperate more recently and sent them a few emails asking straight out for the information, they never bothered to reply. I was told they would be available to answer any questions I might have until the end of the month, but yet it is all very well them being there, if they don’t actually bother to reply at all. The last email I sent all but accused them of trying to trick me into giving up just because they didn’t want me around, and still nothing.

Meanwhile, my plan to move to a different university has not worked out. I was hoping a friend back here could help out there, seeing as they know some people that work at the university, but I have heard little from them, and whilst waiting for that, it seems I have missed my chance to apply. I sent them an email too, and the reply I got seemed to be the standard one they sent to every new applicant last year, given as it gives last year’s dates and assures me that I have to apply through my school and such like. So far as I can tell they stopped accepting applications, at least from new students, a couple of weeks ago.

And finally, with my attenpts at finding somewhere to live last year failing, I find myself in some difficulty even if I do just go back as normal. I found a nice house and a few people to live with, I thought it was all worked out and that I did not need to apply for accomodation through the university, and so did not bother with that, only to have the house sharing fall apart at the last minute. That was what made me realise I could move to a different university, but with that not working out, it seems I will need to find somewhere back there again, and of course by now everywhere is full and being hours away from the place, it is rather difficult to get anything oraginsed before I start, by which time it will be too late.

so, there we go, everything going wrong, and all along my parents have been trying to assure me that all I need to do is write out a list of what I liked and disliked about being at university, add them up and see if I wanted to go bac, as though actually being able to do the work or having somewhere to live had nothing to do with it. However much I tried to assure them that I could not decide what to do until I at least had some idea how well I could get on with these computer programs, and that I was still awaiting replies to my emails on the subject, they still seemed to think all I had to do was pick one thing or another and that I could have told them what I was doing weeks ago. Well, now at least some of the stuff towards going back is getting organised, it being much easier to just cancel all that if I change my mind, but still, no emails, no idea what is going on at our university, no idea where I will live, and still no word on these advanced programs they were so insistant that I learn to use, without them telling me which of the hundreds that come up on any internet search are any good. And as a result, another long rant, and another few weeks slipped past almost unnoticed with me no closer to knowing what I will be doing next year.

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